The terrible truth is that I’m still not fluent in Swedish. Worse, I’m skeptical that I ever actually will be. Worst? Somedays I just don’t care. At all.

There’s a series of Telia (telecom) commercials that feature a teenage girl, a younger boy and a father. Perhaps in an earlier commercial, the whereabouts of the mother were properly discussed but as far as I know there has never been a mother in this family situation. I hate these commercials with a passion. I especially hate the girl. Hate is a strong word, yes, but it is the appropriate one.

I can’t understand a word she says. Not one single word. In the US, teenagers of course also speak “a different language” made up of code and slang. But this is something else entirely. I cannot make out one word from another. I ask for a translation with every new Telia commercial and, even after knowing what she says, I still strain to hear something that actually sounds like articulated Swedish.

I could slap her. Really. Plus, she seems like a total bitch.

Then there’s Filip and Frederik. I love these guys. They’re the ones who bring us High Chaparall (misspelling intentional) which is as funny an ironic commentary on the US as any Simpsons episode, all things being relative of course. Last year they created Grattis Världen (“Congratulations, world!” but an added “Here we come!” should be included). They’re funny, Filip and Frederik, no denying that.

Every afternoon now, we’re watching reruns of their most recent series called 100 Höjdare (Literally, this translates as “100 Bigwigs” but to me, it would more appropriately be called “100 best bloopers by semi-important people from Sweden that the rest of the world has never heard of.”)

Anyway, Filip and Frederik speak at lightening fast speeds. And again, there are minute-long spans of dialogue where my brain simply cannot keep up. I just can’t process it. It’s like listening to rap or something, but worse. Because at least with rap I might catch a word every once in a while.

And that’s when it occurs to me that I just don’t care. Because I can watch the news and make out nearly everything they say. I can read the newspaper and speak to the cashier at the grocery. I can call a doctor and explain my symptoms and make an appointment.

That said, my everyday struggles with the language creates some crossness which absolutely balks my getting off a plateaued level of fluency. I don’t care because I get by without understanding certain aspects of Swedish pop-culture, what little there is of it. Frankly, American and British shows are on every day, at all hours of the day. Commercials, the Telia ones notwithstanding, are often in English and more and more not subtitled.

Swedes speak and understand English with an insane level of competency.

But me? What I need is a good reason to get better in Swedish.