(cross-posted at my blog)

So as previously noted, I am unemployed, going on three weeks now. In an effort to keep myself busy, I’ve painted two entire rooms, as well as attempting to assume all cleaning duties around the house (an endeavor the Special Lady Friend has informed me that, in no uncertain terms, I am terrible at.)

Also, I stopped shaving immediately after losing my job, the better to show solidarity with my millions of brothers in the Great Hirsute Unemployed Brotherhood:

These days, the hirsute pursuit has evolved into a full-blown, full-grown trend. According to the marketing research company The NPD Group, sales of electric shavers and men’s facial trimmers have dipped 12 percent just in the last year while beard-related activities are, well, bristling.

Beard Team USA, a division of the World Beard and Moustache Championships, boasts 36 chapters in the U.S. alone, many in urban hotspots such as Los Angeles, Dallas, St. Louis and New York. There are beard contests and beard blogs, mustache movies and facial hair fundraisers.

(snip)

Why the sudden growth spurt? The blustery weather — and brutal job market — are certainly part of it. But Paul Roof, assistant professor of sociology at Charleston Southern University in South Carolina, says there are other issues at play.

“For some it’s a trend, but for others it’s a way of life and simply self-expression,” he says. “At the heart of the revival, I think, is the ‘reclaiming of masculinity.’ Beards are a direct backlash against metrosexuality and the feminization of modern man. But beards are also the only accessory route that men have — the only way men can change their looks.”

You hear us, Mr. President? We’re hairy, we’re angry, and our ranks grew by 598,000 last month. It’s like Fight Club, only instead of beating the shit out of people and blowing stuff up, we’re blowing away your societal preconceptions with our rockin’ facial hair. Our beards demand to be heard! Our beards demand satisfaction!

Now, speaking for myself, after two weeks of unrestrained growth, my appearance began to scare young children, so I trimmed the beard back to a very stylish “Evil Genius” appearance:

(Above: Kneel before Zod!)

Nevertheless, I still maintain ultimate respect for those of my Facial Hair Brothers who choose to rock the full on Caveman look.

No doubt you, the new mustache or beard owner, have many questions concerning the awesome power your facial hair holds. Luckily, through the magic of the Interweb Tubes, I’ve discovered a series of training videos to help you find your way. You’re welcome.