A friend of mine has started up a beer blog, and as drinkers, I thought some of you might be interested. She’s in London, so she gets to try some beers that just don’t make it over here.

You thought last year’s hop fire was the worst possible disaster that could befall the beer lovers of the world, didn’t you?

Wrong, craphound! It’s about to get so, so much worse:

A hop shortage that has worried brewers for the past few months has now been joined by a barley shortage. That spells tight supplies for two of the three major ingredients in beer (the other is water).

“What it means is you’re going to see higher prices across the board, maybe a buck a six-pack,” said Marc Rubenstein, owner of Syracuse’s Middle Ages Brewing Co. He expects the price hikes to hit around February, mostly affecting smaller, craft beers.

But wait! It gets even worse still:

Beer lovers may also soon be cursing America’s nascent love affair with a much less tasty commodity, ethanol. As the US government presses hard for huge increases in production of ethanol for use as an alternative car fuel, farmers are taking heed. Feed-stocks that can be converted into the fuel, notably corn, are being rushed on to land that was once dedicated to other crops, hops included.

One result is a 25-30 per cent spike in the cost of feed for livestock. Soy bean harvests are down too and American cattle farmers are increasingly turning to barley to help feed their animals. But brewers also need malted barley for their recipes.

Yes, you read that right. The ingredients for our precious, precious beer are being used to feed farm animals so that the farmers can waste more time, land and effort supporting an environment-killing, energy-wasting boondoggle.

Grrrr.

But hey, at least all of us are in this together. All beer drinkers will feel each other’s pain. Right?

Wrong again!

Large commercial beer makers, such as Anheuser-Busch and Coor’s, are not as vulnerable to the hops shortage, because they are first in line with producers because of their buying power, experts say.

So, not only will beer be getting much more expensive, but the price increases will disproportionately affect those of us who like, you know, good beer. The benighted masses who favor fizzy yellow water with no flavor won’t notice a price increase at all.

Dear sweet mother of all that is holy and pure, this is a catastrophe. The situation is so dire, I might even have to start drinking (shudder) wine.

Ok, not really.

That’s right, kids, Beer Fest is upon us again. In fact, its sooner than you think for the Seattle crew. Beer Fest runs this weekend at the Seattle Center. Dinibop, Toftie, myself, and a crew of others will be there Friday afternoon, and we expect the rest of you to join us (Aaron, I’m looking at you).

“What is Beer Fest?” you ask. Well, it’s a magical heaven where the finest Belgian beers are flown in by magical fairy monks and given to those fortunate enough to pay the reasonable entry fee. A select few (aka “those that leave work early”) are chosen to enter before 5PM, which means 50% more beer for the same low low price.

Again, “what is Beer Fest?” you ask. “Beer Fest is Seattle’s Elysian Fields,” I answer, with a wink toward the sky.

I’m so fortunate, in fact, that I might just be in Portland during its celebration, and so I may, if all parties involved are liberal and understanding, be able to attend twice this summer. Double the awesomeness! As Diniboppersonpalooza says, “BOO YAH!”

Now, the benediction.

“Dear Beer Gods. Please do not let us this year repeat the foul incident of last year, whereby one amongst our flock did lose his coffee out the realtor’s car, thus soiling the driveway of some fine Queen Anne resident. Lord, please do not let us be tempted by the burning water hawked by Tini Big’s, nor the non-Belgian swill peddled by McMennamin’s. (Brent, my apologies.) Yaweh, may we remember to stay hydrated and to take a cab home. Amen.”

Amen.

Wondering how best to celebrate the upcoming holiday of blessed St. Patrick? Well wonder no longer:

The 5th Annual Hard Liver Barleywine Fest

Be sure to wear your drinkin’ shoes!

You’re welcome.

Bottoms up:

According to the data, drinking a moderate amount of alcohol — up to four drinks per day in men and two drinks per day in women — reduces the risk of death from any cause by roughly 18 percent, the team reports in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

From the Elysian Brewery website:

Elysian-Capitol Hill October 21st -12 noon-10pm

10 different Pumpkin beers on tap:
Night Owl Pumpkin Ale
The Great Pumpkin
Dark 0′ the Moon Pumpkin Stout
Purple Pumpkineater Lavender Saison
Kürbitinus
Portergeist
Steamy Hollow California Common Pumpkin Beer
And 3 More guest beers!

At 4pm the tapping of the Pumpkin Conditioned Ale!
An extremely large pumpkin filled with Portergeist smoked pumpkin porter, spiced in the pumpkin and allowed to go through a secondary fermentation in the pumpkin and tapped with traditional English cask taps.

Pumpkin Carving starting at Noon.
Pumpkins will be available on a first come/first serve basis. There will be awards for the best pumpkin carving.

If all y’all Seattle peeps don’t go to this, you’re the lamest lame-o’s ever. You’re lamer than the Lame Mayor of Lametown.

Dear God in Heaven, NOOOOO!!!

YAKIMA, Washington (AP) — Federal investigators were set Tuesday to begin an investigation into a fire that ruined about 4 percent of America’s yield of hops, used as flavoring in the brewing of beer and ale.

Find a happy place….find a happy place…